i'm coolio kayakshit (its my new indian name)

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08 settembre

i'm coolio kayakshit (its my new indian name)

through all this moaning and groaning i figured you guys were probably in need of a reminder of how fuckin cool i am. pay attention.

last weekend, me and 3 buddies went kayaking down the red deer river...sounds relaxing, peaceful, packed full of shits and giggles...good times, good times...i'm all over it. 3-4 hours on the river, what could be better?

Here's the timeline of our adventure:

10:00 a.m. - on my way into town to hook up with the crew. stop at timmy's for coffees and bagels..mmmmm...

10:30 a.m. - stop at convenience store for beef jerkey, chips, pop, juice, water.

10:45 a.m. - prep time. we cannot stop with the accolades "fuck we are so cool" "take my picture!" "look how fuckin cool we are all kayakin and shit" "jeezus...NO ONE is cooler than us right now"

photo break

11:10 a.m - all smiles. we are pretty sure we rock the planet and can't wait for someone to spot us on the river cause we know they'll be saying "look kids! look at those cool kayakers!"

11: 14 a.m. - lets grab a snack, i'm hungry...wolf down the sandwiches

11:29 a.m. - anybody hungry? beef jerkey anyone?

12 noon - man, this is so awesome...i love every second of this adventure. LUNCHTIME!

1:00 p.m. - holy shit...are we gonna be done too early? what if we're done too early? shit. we shoulda went further. this sucks.

2:18 p.m. - mmm....chips.

3:07 p.m. - should be wrappin it up soon, this has been amazing, i love you guys!

3:49 p.m. - shit. just ate the last chip. dammit. we better be done soon.

4:33 p.m. - holy shit my back feels like someone has put the boots to it. oh my god is this EVER gonna end???

5:50 p.m. - my fuckin shoulders are bleeding in pain. i fuckin hate these people. i hate this kayak. get me the fuck off this river before i just drown myself. (although...with this inflated front bum..that might be quite an undertaking)

6:04 p.m. - fuck it. fuck you. fuck kayaking. we're calling a fuckin cab.

lmao, no bullshit. we hauled our kayaks up at the ski hill..and thankfully... GUESS WHAT?? no guess...do it...you'll fuckin love it. THERE WAS A FUCKIN WEDDING GOING ON! jeezus h. christ...what do you want from me dood? i'm trying to escape the sadness of probably never getting married and you keep throwing this shit in my face? fuckin ironic man. someone might as well dress up in a wedding gown and follow me around taunting me 24-7, that'd be good times. fuck.

ANYWAY...moral of kayaking 101

don't trust men to judge how long it'll take

bench press 300 lbs before attempting so you're prepared

and, most importantly....

you can never bring enough snacks.

here we are lookin cool.

kayak nelly and me - ACTION SHOT!

Andy and Kayak Nelly - aaaawwwww, the love

(actually andy is begging her for a handjob...truth be told)

later in the trip....like 6 HOURS LATER! tensions rise...

here's cara lookin all cute...posin it up

(i appear to be in somewhat of a hurry to get the hell out of there!)

8.36 | Pubblica su blog

Commenti (12)

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	Crazy English Paul ha scritto: LMAO you look sooooooooooooooooooo cool Even if i really tried i could never look THAT cool ;P 9 Set.
	MetJoeMac ha scritto: The last picture KILLS me! Too funny! 9 Set.
	Brenda ha scritto: Hey there! I've alway wanted to kayak...looks fun but hard work. I hate hard work,lol. Anyways..great pics...glad u had fun! ~brenda~ 8 Set.
	number_chelle ha scritto: I am really enjoying this whole "photo labeling" concept. I will be storing that idea in the back of my brain with the other cluttery piles of 1/2 started ideas. You are my new muse. Do somethin' funny. Like stand on your head ad squirt beer out of your nose. And go. 8 Set.
	Laoch-of-Chicago ha scritto: hahahahahahahahahahahaha! 8 Set.
	-deadites- ha scritto: Man, I want a kayak now so I can look all cool n' shit.. Actually I'd probably just use it to shove it up the neighbour's dog's ass next time it has a yapping fit in the backyard.. 8 Set.
	Nuttyfunseeker6 ha scritto: ha ha ha, I don't even know what to type because I am sitting here laughing like a fool and the people in the office think I am a major retard!! :-) 8 Set.
	eb ha scritto: oh come on!!!! That looks FUN! I tried sea kayaking once and it was so bloody hard. I ended up getting lost (we were supposed to stay closer inland to see our endpoint, but we didn't), and we were out on the water for FAARRRR longer than we should have been. I could barely move afterwards. At least with a river you have some forward momentum! Sorry to hear about the wedding crap....boys suck. But, unless you're not telling something, I still figure yours will buck up in his own good time. Sounds like you guys have something good going on there. As for the yoga, ya, hatha is very chill, slow paced. If you can, look for Power Yoga, or Ashtanga yoga. Both of those move faster and will have you curled up in the fetal position after a workout. Even with hatha though, if you do the asanas (postures) correctly, you will feel it. Yoga is wayyy harder than it looks. But I too, prefer a workout with a bit more sweat. Like I said, Power Yoga or Ashtanga will be more for you. (Maybe bikhram's too - though you'll sweat your ass off) But ALL yoga is supposed to develop a strong mind/body connection. Keep at it before you give up the ghost yet. All the best. :) 8 Set.
	vcw15 ha scritto: That would have been awesome....that brings back memories of when i went rafting on the river....we stopped at Burbank...but your description and timelines seem about the same....I wanted to kill people by the end....but had no energy left 8 Set.
	violentmargie ha scritto: i don't have it yet!! i'm running home at lunch to see if its in the mail...WHICH IT FUCKIN BETTER BE! i got it thru telus..apparently they mail you a self-startup kit and today is the date i'm SUPPPOSED to have it!! fingers crossed sista! 8 Set.
	mind_in_flight ha scritto: today be thursday. and hell hath wreaked a new fury upon us all. and her name is margie. and she shall rule. *sets the crazy cat lady's house ablaze and dances naked around it in thanks and praise to the internet gods for delivering us our violent margie into the modern world at long last. welcome to the realm of the addicted nerd chiquita! now don't just sit there staring at it....test it out. send me a fuckin email or something. DO IT....NOW! 8 Set.
	number_chelle ha scritto: Yah, but you guys look super cool. I used to kayak. I kayaked in the Alberta Summer games one year. I lost. That's all I wish to discuss about it at this juncture, it involved paddling waay past the starting line and being exhausted by the time I got back to it. Then the race stated. I think you have just inspired todays blog. 8 Set.

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