Around the World in a Walnut Shell

Hi fags

 

i got new front teeth for Christmas!!!! WOOO HOO!! (ignore the fact i look rather albino-ishy in the after pic please.

 

 

hi fags, i got married this weekend in venice.

 

it is now appropriate for you to send gifts.

 

i'm wearing my halloween undies today. they are black and orange and have a ghost and a gravestone saying 'RIP' on them.

 

how appropriate.

i got a zit the size of a baby's head RIGHT between my eyes!

 

great. god i'm attractive.

put that in your pipe and smoke it.

 

lmfao! what a great saying....USE IT TODAY AND YOU TOO CAN BE AS COOL AS ME.

hi fags.

 

i feel like a million bucks.

 

just cause

 

i do

 

ever heard that expression 'a sneeze is like a mini-orgasm'? WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT! WHO CAME UP WITH THAT CRAP?

 

i've just sneezed 34234235453 times this morning and if they were mini-orgasms i'd be the happiest person on the planet.

 

i'm not. i'm just a red-nosed, sniffling bitchy human being who is sick and tired of sneezing 24-7.

3 types of people i'm tired of

 

 

a) lazy fuckers

b) buck passers

c) lazy fuckers

 

that's right i put lazy fuckers twice. that's how tired of them i am.

 

that's all.

bye.

hey homies!

 

took my niece and nephew to the Sylvan Lake Wild Rapids Waterslides on Saturday. My nephew and i decide to do the Sidewinder....HOLY FUCK! had the speed not been so intense that it kept the shit from flyin out of my ass, i'm telling you, it would have been some mess! we were both shakin like crazy...but? I FRICKIN LOVED IT!!

 

here's a pic of it...add some hair and a top to the guy on top and that's me. carve 100 lbs off the kid on the bottom and that's my nephew.

smarties?

or M&Ms?

 

 

 

personally i chose M&M's even though i'm eating 34 mini boxes of smarties at the moment. good thing they are just mini-boxes or i'd be fatbum for sure. ok. i am fatbum. i'd be obesebum. call me bessy. i mean it. CALL ME BESSY!

 

the first person to send me a pic of an M&M jammed in their bellybutton wins. and by jammed, i MEAN jammed not just sittin there teetering...JAM IT.

 

hurry. this is a limited time offer.

hi! remember SPAZ OUT? lol....i'm bringing that word back, so deal with it.....speaking of spazzing out....

 

sorry i'm a slackass....do i get any points for the fact that lack of blogging means WORKING MY ASS OFF? stupid busy at work and my helper? well....NOT SO HELPFUL! JEEZUS! lazy in the winter...whatever....lazy in the summer? NO FUCKIN WAY!! no time for that shit. All i want to do is go two inches from said 'helper's' face and yell "GET OFF THE FUCKIN PHONE AND DO SOMETHING!!!..AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WOULD BE GREAT? IF YOU COULD TAKE SOME FUCKIN INITIATIVE TO GET SHIT DONE, LEARN NEW THINGS, AND CHECK YOUR F'IN WORK!!"

 

whew...thanks...i feel better now

 

poker with the boys and then out for drinks with the girls tonight....sounds like i'm in need eh? lol!!

 

how you guys doing?? i'm going to try to do some visiting this weekend and get caught up.

 

OH YEAH...new pics from my camping trip a couple weeks ago...check em out.

hi

 

my feet hurt

 

thought you should know.

hi fags.

 

i have some sad news. i went and got allergy tested. found 3 things, one a 'severe' reaction, two other allergies.

 

1. fat bastard.  look at this fat fuck, how can i possibly part with him????

 

 

2. dust. whatever. maybe i can suck someone into totally cleaning my house because i'm allergic???

 

3. sulphites. commonly found in RED WINES!! FUCK!, sausages, bologna, weiners (hotdog weiners, i checked ) so i need to refrane.

 

so, yeah. kind of bites hard. i love red wine and i love fat bastard.

..your gym shorts suck up your ass so much so that you can't even exercise without one hand constantly monitoring hungry bum

 

..you own one pair of pants that don't cause you to gasp for air

 

..your jeans leave lines on your skin for 34 hours after taking them off

 

..you can see your cheeks without even looking down...they are starting to interfere with your vision so you wear glasses to push said fat cheeks down and out of the way

 

 

fuck people. that's it. i'm losing it. ALL OF IT! RIGHT FRICKIN NOW.

 

ok bye...going to go purge.